Bare Boobs Banned By Bay....Bogus?

The citizens of Corpus Christi were treated to an enlightening televised session of the City Council on February 13, 1996. A seemingly endless line of local taxpayers lined up to testify regarding the social, spiritual, and economic ramifications of Topless Dancing in Corpus Christi, Texas.

These are some of the reasons Topless Bars are "Evil."

  • Tourists are Bothered By Them.
  • They promote sin.
  • Children "know what goes on inside those places."
  • The people who frequent these places use streets through residential neighborhoods to come and go.
  • They promote the "wrong image of Corpus Christi."
  • They contribute to violent sex crimes.
  • They contribute to more violent Bar crimes in general.
  • These are some of the Reasons Topless Bars are "Good."

  • People shouldn't be ashamed to enjoy the female human form.
  • The employee income these places generate is relatively high, and therefore keeps people off the streets and off of welfare.
  • Employees have time to attend college.
  • It is just entertainment, and is harmless.

  • Well, first of all I think tourists might be more frightened of the televised Corpus Christi City Council meetings than the happenings at topless bars. People are generally aware of what exotic dancing is, but unless they are from Mars they may never have witnessed anything quite as weird as our Civic Leaders in session.

    Regarding sin, I am not quite sure. I feel strongly that whatever the nature of the transgressions on this Earth, God doesn't need any assistance from "the flock" in doing the judging. Feeding the hungry, healing the sick, and spreading the gospel seem to be examples of spiritual participation activities for humans. Granted this isn't quite as much fun as accusing the bretheren of being "sinners," however it seems to come highly recommended.

    As I watched the testimony unfold, I noticed a repeating theme that said the violence from these types of places is more severe than other bars. This is a crock. I have frequented a lot of nightclubs in my travels, and it is obvious to me at least that the most rowdy behavior takes place at places where people are dancing to live music, and men are trying to pick up women (and visa versa). This is pretty obvious to anyone who has been around. Nothing creates a conflict faster than a large excretion of testosterone, fueled by some loud music, and the ensuing libido driven propositions to members of the opposite sex. Sometimes the proposition itself is enough to warrant a knee in the nads. Besides a lot of the patrons of "Titty Bars" absolutely do not want to draw attention to themselves, and therefore maintain a very very low profile. . . . if you know what I mean. ;-)

    Regarding the dangerous drivers who come and go from these Topless Bars, I had to laugh. Anyone who has ever been blown off the road in Corpus by a stressed out mom in a Suburban, yacking on a cellular phone, with 7 or 8 hyperactive kids in tow knows the true meaning of reckless driving.

    On the other hand, the people testifying on behalf of the Topless Bars were for the most part a little too perfect to suit me. Every employee seemed to be a taxpaying, self reliant, model citizen, furthering their education, and endeavoring tirelessly to find better ways to promote civic pride in our town, and good will toward all mankind. This side of the debate also got chastened by the Mayor the most times for breaking into applause when someone made a particularly profound comment. Without jumping to conclusions, their side seemed to be the only side making profound comments.

    Well, the way the Council disposed of the matter was typically gutless, but seemingly appropriate considering the caliber of the testimony. They decided to Ban Topless Bars, but the existing ones get a 10 year amortization period. In other words, by the time this 1996 resolution becomes relevant there will be a new mayor, new council, and new millenium. A lot of kids when asked to clean their room utilize this type of remedy. They shove all their toys under the bed. For the time being however, the bars can go on operating, sin, potentially disgusted tourists and bad PR notwithstanding

    Was this whole exercize much adieu about nothing? It was a front page story in the award winning local paper. There was standing room only at the Council meeting, which is tantamount to lining up to sniff Bus Fumes. Even the local talk radio shows are abuzz with the Topless Bar controversy. Well, we at the E-Zine have decided to embark on a fact finding mission for ourselves on this matter. In the near future, we will begin a series of "site inspections" so as to accurately offer responsible opinions on this subject. We feel it might help out if we personally viewed the evidence. In the meantime, we invite everyone to share opinions on the subject, particularly all of you potential squeamish tourists who are supposedly offended. Will the prospect of jiggling flesh force you to spend those vacation dollars elsewhere? When all is said and done, hopefully we will have a balanced account of this debate where all sides are represented tit for tat, so to speak . . . . .


    Get your opinions in now! Well, actually I suppose we have a decade for the research. E-mail your opinions to the Predator at Tits in Ten Years?. We will publish the remarks (when publishable) at Corpus Christi Residents Address the Earth on the Subject of Topless bars. This is a topic that we think everyone should be up front about.

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